Each day I relentlessly chased the illusion of happiness then self-medicated with alcohol to numb out the pain. Totally exhausting all avenues, I finally hit rock bottom over 9 years ago which resulted in rehabilitation.
I came to meditation when I was in a very dark phase of my life. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was experiencing high functioning depression and high functioning anxiety.
Life is not easy for anyone and we are not always taught in schools or by family how to deal with the mental and emotional suffering life can bring us.
There was nothing exceptional or unusual in my ‘hardships’ my dissatisfaction and difficulties seem very trivial compared with what was going on in the rest of the world at this time. But they were dissatisfactions and difficulties, nonetheless.
I just couldn’t teach anymore. I thought a change of jobs would help me, and it did for a few months. But I was still the same me, a little stressed, tired and miserable…
No longer trusting my distorted, agitated states of mind (my delusions) to solve my problems and make myself happy, I began to rely on developing inner peace instead.
I started to suffer from insomnia. Worrying about not sleeping soon became a “runaway train” and soon was followed by general anxiety and depression.
General Spiritual Director
