Instead of seeing potholes I see the kindness in between ~ How meditation brought positive energy to my life.
by Tor Weser
Struggling with chronic ill health
When I discovered meditation for myself, roughly 2 years ago, I never thought that it would be such a lifesaver and become such an integral part of my daily life. At the time, I had already been struggling with a chronic health condition for several years. It rendered me unfit to work with the fairly common companions of secondary depression and anxiety, stemming from low self-esteem, loss of purpose and fears about the future. There were days when I barely managed to get out of bed in the morning, dreading the day ahead.
A calmer and more peaceful mind
By the time I stepped through the door of my local Kadampa Meditation Centre, I had already dipped my toes into a couple of spiritual experiences which had opened my eyes from my very ingrained Western view of the world. I felt the power of positive energy which surrounds us and realised that there is more to life than I had been made to believe.
The only thing missing then was guidance on how to go deeper and how to apply it to my daily life. And this is what I really found at my Kadampa centre. Their kind, compassionate and empowering teachings and meditation sessions pushed the door wide open to a completely new view of the world. I realised that only I myself have the power to conquer my struggles. If I let go of grasping at my own suffering, see difficulties as the external events which do not need to have power over me, and remind myself that everyone else suffers in the same way, I will have a much calmer and more peaceful mind. I am so glad that meditation has now become such a large and important part of my daily life.
Creating time for meditation
Due to my personal circumstances, I had to apply some determination to create the time to do this. Especially in the mornings when I get up earlier to be able to sit down for half an hour before family life kicks in. I now practise meditation most mornings and evenings, use mantras and try not to forget what I have learned throughout the rest of the day. I usually start with a few minutes of breathing meditation or some other basic mind-calming practice, followed by a recitation of prayers. This really helps me to calm my chaotic mind and to focus on the main part of the meditation. At first, I didn’t really know what to make of the prayers. They seemed alien to me as I had never practised any religion before. Now I wouldn’t want to miss their beautiful and powerful words. It really feels like something is incomplete whenever I don’t have enough time. For my main meditation I usually follow the 21 meditations from The New Meditation Handbook. Even the 5-10 minutes I have in the morning for this has the power to set me up for the rest of the day.
The positive effects I have experienced from meditating regularly are immense. For instance, after contemplating the kindness of others (one of the 21 meditations), the world really looks different. Instead of looking for faults everywhere, such as potholes in the road, traffic jams or grumpy people, I now see the kindness in between. That I should be thankful for what I have, appreciate what complete strangers do for me and very importantly, to rejoice that I have the opportunity to practise meditation and to study Dharma, Buddha’s teachings.
Feeling calm and able to sleep
I used to struggle with sleeping as I found it difficult to calm my mind; all my worries and ruminations kept me awake. There were nights when I literally experienced panic attacks; my heart was racing with fast breathing and sweating, feeling that whatever problem I was worried about was insurmountable. This has mostly gone now and I have no issues with going to sleep. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can go back to sleep fairly easily. After my evening meditation practice, my mind is now much calmer, it really feels like some warm, positive energy is wrapped around me, protecting me from negative minds. If a negative thought does try to take over, I acknowledge it but then move my mind’s focus onto a positive thought usually from a recent meditation. In addition, after closing my eyes I often recite the mantra of Medicine Buddha and so far I don’t think I have ever managed to complete the 108 beads of my mala (rosary) before starting to drift off.
Accepting situations better
When I find myself in the middle of a potentially argumentative situation, with loved ones or strangers, I have realised that I manage to stay calmer. And whenever I fail to achieve this, after all I am not enlightened yet, I pick one of the meditations which feels most appropriate for the situation. It has worked wonders to put everything into perspective, reduce my annoyance with that particular person or group of people and develop love and compassion for them.
I have also realised that I can now accept situations better which would have sent me over the edge with anxiety or anger in the past. I can accept them for what they are and feel that with Dharma anything can be dealt with.
Looking back now at the last 2 years, I would never have thought that I would ever go down this path. It definitely needed a very difficult situation to push my mind to a place where I started to question the way things are. But then opportunities suddenly appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, I just had to walk through those new open doors.
Tor Weser attends KMC Southampton in the UK
