How I Learned to Let go of Stress
by Cormac
started to go to a weekly meditation class
I came to Dharma (Buddha’s teachings) by accident. Like a lot of people, I sought out meditation as a way to relax and relieve stress. At first the teachings were interesting but not my main interest. I was very busy at work and was very committed to doing my best. I worried about doing a good job and not letting anyone down. I wasn’t in touch with my emotions and could get over-stressed and then things wouldn’t go so well.
I first started to go to a weekly class in Dun Laoghaire, about 6 years ago.
There would be a short meditation at the beginning, a teaching and then a longer one at the end. I really enjoyed the meditations and the warmth and energy in the room.
I felt at ease and it felt safe to leave the day’s business outside the door for a while and turn my attention inward.
The ultimate self-help
I began to go to the Saturday workshops in the local Kadampa Meditation Centre and to listen more to the teachings and to read some of the books by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso upon which the teachings are based.
I was struck by the clarity and wisdom of his explanations. I had been a fan of self-help books for years and it seemed like every useful thing I had picked up from them, plus whatever hard-won wisdom I had gained from life, was in these books and more. For me Dharma is the ultimate self-help. There was no longer any need to look further. The teachings are especially useful in everyday life.
They show how to avoid getting angry when things don’t turn out as we expect; how to be patient with others; how to calmly accept difficult situations when they arrive; and how to look at our fellow human beings with more compassion and affection.
Taking the sting out of difficult situations
I None of these changes happen overnight but looking back, I could see progress from early on. The sting has gone out of difficult situations. They are still inconvenient and less than pleasant but they seem less of a crisis.
I can empathise a bit more with people who I might find trying, realising that they are often doing their best and have no ill intent.
When I am criticised a bit harshly or unfairly, I will often overlook it or even apologise just to ease the situation and help the other person feel better. My sense of self feels far less fragile and ultra-sensitive than before.
When people are angry with me, I will usually look for ways I could have been more skillful to avoid the upset, rather than automatically become defensive.
I can still lose it. But even when I do, it feels less intense and I calm down more quickly. It’s as if part of me feels that I am acting out a script but my heart isn’t in it. Even on these occasions, I realise that I am making progress and am close to being able to avoid getting angry at all. This extra detachment has made me far more aware of things I might be doing unconsciously that might trigger others. This has allowed me to start working on myself.
My life can still improve
The best part is that I can see how much more my life can still improve. I am scratching the surface of what is possible. I can see where the teachings are pointing and can also see people in the community who have become wonderful examples of calmness and kindness towards others. They can see my imperfections but they and I know that imperfections are not permanent. They are not part of us; they are just what we are currently going through
Over the years my meditation has also improved. Gradually I have developed a daily practice and have learned to access a level of deep calm in my meditation. At first my daily practice was 10 minutes; now it is up to one hour, depending on what time I’ve got. When I have only a little time, there are beautiful meditations on improving our love or compassion for others that I can do. I have learned through Dharma that the more we love others, the happier we become. Whenever I put this into practice, it works out that way.
When you experience the truth in these teachings, you can clearly see how beautiful they are - and how truly wonderful our lives can be. That’s a great reason to get up each morning!
Cormac Madden attends Tara KMC in Ireland
